Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood and glitter go together right?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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