I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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