To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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