I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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