The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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