Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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