I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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