Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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