Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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