FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
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I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
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Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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