my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
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We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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