I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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