im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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