If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
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Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
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Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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