The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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