I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
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Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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