I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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