Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
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A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
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she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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