My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
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