singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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