If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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