I wish I only lived at night.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So apparently I’m into choking now
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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