Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
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