Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
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Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
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I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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