sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
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I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
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Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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