Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
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he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
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That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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