I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
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Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
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I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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