Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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