zippers are such a cool invention
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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