I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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