Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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