The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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