Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize