got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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