Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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