i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize