ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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