i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
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Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
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I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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