i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
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On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
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You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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