The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
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His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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