my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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