God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize