she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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