I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Holy sore nipples Batman
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize