is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
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I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
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Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
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