You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
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I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
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One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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