Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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