I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
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Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
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If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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