He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My vagina just recognized that song.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
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I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
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Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
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