it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
please don't ironically join a cult
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